Choosing Change & Healing The Hurt


Last week’s blog got me thinking about the days of old. You see, I haven’t always been the person I am now. Things looked very different for me a decade ago.

 

Circa 2007

The happy woman overflowing with endless gratitude and positivity used to be a very angry and hurt person. Of course, I hadn’t connected the dots or sought healing and because of this, my pain filtered into everything I did.

 

I was holding onto the pain from the wrongdoings of my childhood, I was enraged about systematic and industrialized racism, I was pissed about the New World Order and how nothing is sacred on the quest for money and power. I was angry about everything.

 

I often feel sad when I think of past Clare.  She missed out on a lot. She didn’t have a great relationship with many family members, she lost friendships, burnt bridges and hurt countless people. That’s the thing about those that don’t heal their hurt. Their hurt and anger hurt others instead.

 

 

 

My turning point was back in 2009. I was jobless, hopeless and in an incredibly toxic relationship. I was broke and absolutely depressed. I will never forget the moment I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked up and I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. Something inside of me knew that things had to change. I didn’t know how but I listened to my intuition and took it one step at a time. I left that relationship and swore to learn the lessons so I never had to go through it again. I put my teaching & tutoring experience to work and started teaching ESL again. By the end of 2009 I had decided to leave Canada in order to heal my wounds, let go of my baggage and find myself, who was I under the anger and the pain?

 

It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I traveled across the globe, experienced cultures I’d never known, met some magical beings, had my mind, body and sprit tested in ways I never would have imagined, learnt life lessons and got to know myself.

 

 

 

It’s been a long, long road of healing, self realization and home truths. There have been some joyous moments, there have been painfully gut wrenching moments and there has been everything in between but all of it has lead me here.

 

Zegzel Gorge, Morocco

Zegzel Gorge, Morocco

 

I remember looking in the mirror and not knowing myself, not feeling connected to me, not having a purpose. I remember just wanting to be happy and have a sense of understanding. It’s a conscious and consistent road of growth and evolution but hand on heart I’m happy.

 

It’s really simple. When you know better, you do better. You have the choice to change, you just have to choose it and be prepared to work for it.

 

 

 

How To Get The Ball Rolling

  • Set the intention.
    That’s all you really have to do. Be open and ready to change and opportunities will present themselves.
  • Get rid of the toxicities in your life.
    Leave that relationship/ job/ situation or put a plan in place to do so if you need to. There will be bigger and better options for you. Don’t stay in something toxic out of fear or obligation.
  • Listen to yourself!
    Your inner knowing is always speaking, especially in times of crisis. Listen to yourself and you’ll know what to do.
  • Focus on the positive.
    It takes practice, but it will become natural. There is always more than one way to look at any given situation.
  • Offer gratitude.
    Studies have shown that by acknowledging things you’re grateful for every day, you can literally change your life.
  • Call it how it is.
    Speak your truth. What emotion exists under anger? More often than not it’s fear and/or pain. Communicate that. If you need to see someone, see someone. You’ll notice that anger won’t always be your go-to.
  • Step away and slow down.
    If you feel you’re going down the path lit with raging flames, walk away. Take a time out and slow down. Breathe, process and communicate.
  • Learn a few healing methods.
    Often we turn to unhealthy coping methods. My top 2 were cigarettes and alcohol. By turning to other healing methods we’re breaking the cycle. Do what feels good for you. If that’s walking, spending time in nature, dance, music, sewing, art, yoga, meditation or exercise etc, find what feels good for you and do that.
  • Take baby steps.
    Rome wasn’t built in a day. Your life won’t change overnight. Work towards it. Take a step, every day. Doesn’t matter how small. Commit. Take steps and things will change.
  • Forgive yourself.
    I’m still working on this. It’s awful hurting those you love most. One mantra I often use is when you know better, you do better. Make sure to learn from your mistakes so you don’t have to repeat them.

It takes time to change yourself and your life  and it’s a constant work in progress but it’s doable and it’s so worth it. Your first step is to set the intention.  You are amazing and you’re worthy of a happy and healthy life!

 

Sending out oodles and oodles of love and light,

C.
xoxo

 

 

-At the root of every tantrum and power struggle are unmet needs.-
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