Note: When I sat down and put pen to paper it was Saturday the 26th of September. One night before the Super Blood Moon and total eclipse. I was reminded that we’re all connected, we’re all of the Earth and the Universe.
This year has been quite a challenging one for me. While I’m closer to the specialty of my practice, I’ve had to peel back multiple layers of self and rid that which no longer serves me. I find it quite comical that one should always be cautious of what one asks for when making demands of the Universe and even when you do, there’s always something you’ve left out. In my case, this year I consciously asked that my life be cleared of that which no longer serves me on all levels and of course, it’s been a beautifully therapeutic experience. I’ve been asked to step up in ways I wouldn’t have done before. I’ve been asked to step into spaces I would previously run from . Chords have been cut. Relationships have been let go of. There has been lots of physical clearings of things. There has also been a lot of emotional trauma that has come to the surface in order to be released and holy mother of greyskull has it ever been a lot of work. When I grounded myself and placed my order to the Universe never did I think there would be so much work, so much grief.
It’s amazing how much we carry with us and of course we can’t wave a magic wand and chant “letus gous” and be done with it, well not in my experience anyway. I have to process ,understand, love and then choose to let go and there are some moments that are incredibly painful. When I sent out my order to the Universe, I was not expecting the grief.
It’s so interesting, remaining open to the process, being a willing participant while feeling confused at times, so inconceivably sad I find it hard to breathe at others, all the while remaining grateful for the process knowing that incredible healing is taking place and that I am supported physically, emotionally and energetically. Then comes the rage, the absolute rage which like every other emotion must be felt and allowed to flow through me while being grounded through it all and holding on for dear life to the understanding that one must create space in order to birth brilliance. Having awareness and holding on to the knowing that something magical is taking place, that sometimes you’ve got to put the work in and sometimes the hardest work is soul work. To be honest, I think this is some of the hardest work I’ve ever done, but oh is it worth it. The space and lightness it’s creating within me makes it worth it alone.
This is such an interesting process. The insight I’m achieving is creating such profound awareness. I’m peeling back layers and finding all sorts, some I can barely look at, some I am intrigued by. I am understanding, processing, loving, coming to peace with it all and then letting go. There is such power in letting go. There is such peace in letting go.
The process is not over, but I do see a shimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. It’s funny, before this experience, I don’t know that I would have been so willing to spend so much time in the darkness but I feel comfortable now. There’s so much depth in that space, so much to learn and I have learnt something very important: I can face the deepest darkest places within myself. Granted, I knew it on some level before but there is so much strength in it now. I am incredibly grateful for that, and for the process. Facing one’s shadow can be uncomfortable and even scary but my shadow feels like a friend now. And there is so much space within me and around me. I’m beyond excited for what will grow in that space. Something magical is coming and I becoming ready to receive it with open arms.