The Healing Journey is a series born out of the reality that we all have our own individual path to healing. When we share our journey two things tend to happen, we often find freedom in sharing our stories and we always inspire others. There is power in speaking up and it is time to tap into that power.
The mission of The Healing Journey is to provide a platform for women to connect, inspire one another and empower each other. Together we will stimulate conversation, create awareness, healing and stand together knowing that each and every one of us are unique, gifted and powerful.
It is with the greatest excitement that I introduce you to our next Healing Journey feature. Noise Witch, Reiki Master, Musician and Sound Healer, Tasha Jade is one of the most magical beings you’re likely to meet! Her story is one of resilience, of strength and persistence to honour and show up for herself. You’re going to learn a thing or two, so grab some tea, get comfy and join me in welcoming Tasha to the Healing Journey community.
For those who don’t know you Tasha, what’s your story?
My name is Tasha Jade, I’m a Noise Witch specializing in energy work and sound healing. My current passion is running my lifestyle blog and brand [Dailymagic.ca] which inspires others to be their most “magical as f*ck” selves! The inspiration to embark on this chapter in my life, came as a response to the squeaky clean holistic world and the flawless yogis we’re constantly fed on social media. I wanted to create a platform that resonated with the foul-mouthed, misfits, rebels and light workers; a community for those interested in all things to do with healing, wellness and witchcraft.
Since a young age, spirituality and creativity have been two constant energies dancing within me. I was captivated by stories of magic and mysticism passed onto me by my grandfather, and I was convinced that every human on earth came from the same source of magic. I found wonder in music and art, being filled with this relentless fire to create and make things. Then in my preteen’s I began read books on witchcraft, indulged my imagination, and starting using manifestation to attract things into my daily life.
However as I grew older and the pressures of adolescence kicked in, I started disconnecting from this inner magic.
I was 15 years old when I was diagnosed with MRKH and it turned my world upside down. I felt like I was stripped of this sheltered veil surrounding my body and sexuality, then pushed headfirst into questioning what those things meant to me. Upon diagnosis, I was told that I could never give birth to my own children and I could not naturally have sex without first violating my body with surgery or self-dilating. Overnight I was forced to think about myself as a sexual being, to think about my value as a woman, and to start working towards the “normal” life I was taught to strive for. The pain, depression, and anxieties that followed, were never fully resolved – just swept under a fancy carpet hoping to never be uncovered.
In University, I studied for my Bachelor’s of Music in a highly competitive and stressful program. I began performing in all areas of my life – as a musician, student, daughter, and female member of society. Instead of showing up as my authentic, true self, I behaved the way I thought I should, I made friends with people who were toxic to my wellbeing, and put a wall between me and the rest of the world. I struggled to say no to people and situations that made me uncomfortable, and channeled my needs for approval in a relationship where I didn’t receive the value I deserved. All of this was a byproduct of the unresolved pain from my adolescence – I never allowed myself the permission to f*ck up, make mistakes, and discover what I truly needed in life. My MRKH diagnosis sparked the start of my journey into womanhood, but overcoming my first long-term and toxic relationship, was the start of my journey of self-love and healing. Although I couldn’t see it at the time, these were all necessary catalysts for my growth. Without the discomfort, I wouldn’t have found confidence in myself. Without confusion, I wouldn’t have found clarity. Without the questioning, I wouldn’t have the self-knowing and love that I have for myself today.
What is Mayer-Rokitansky-Küster-Hauser (MRKH) syndrome?
MRKH is a congenital condition in females that primarily affects the development of the reproductive system. Although all external genitalia are fully present, there may be an underdeveloped or absent uterus and/or vagina. Since everything appears fully developed on the outside, there is usually a delay in diagnosis as it requires a full physical exam and ultrasound.
Women with MRKH do not go through a typical menstruation cycle and can not carry their own pregnancies due to the underdeveloped or absent uterus. In many ways the symptoms of this condition can lie on a spectrum, as the underdevelopment of the reproductive system can also mean underdevelopment in the kidneys, heart, and spine; any and all organs developed at the same fetal stage can be affected. I refer to MRKH as being a spectrum, as many women are born with varying symptoms within this condition.
In my case, I was born with a small, underdeveloped uterus, functioning Fallopian tubes and eggs, slight scoliosis, and a completely absent vagina. Although I don’t get a period every month, I do experience a monthly hormonal cycle and accompanying symptoms (breakouts and cravings galore!). Today, I’m grateful for MRKH and the trip it’s taken me on – don’t get me wrong, it was absolute HELL getting to a point of healing and acceptance, but MRKH has taught me a lot about my body and what it means to be a woman.
How has having this syndrome shaped your relationship with your womb space?
Having this condition has allowed me to define for myself what it truly means to be a woman, and to have a womb space whether that be physically or non-physically. I see my womb space as a representation of my feminine energy beyond it’s biological functions. Being born with female genitalia, a functioning reproductive system, and a feminine appearance, should not be the only definitions of womanhood. I will never carry my own children but that does not make me less of a woman. I may not have been born with a vagina but that does not make me less of a sexual being. My non-physical womb space is the centre for my Feminine energy – it reminds me that Femininity is something beyond function – coming from our soul. It also represents the innate energy to create and bring something into the world; birthing thoughts, ideas, and feelings into the world to co-create with reality itself.
What has your journey into womanhood looked like?
In summary, my journey into womanhood was an abrupt awakening.
I could point the finger at several things that did not prepare me for womanhood – the lack of sex-ed in Catholic schools, being a bit sheltered around my body and sex growing up, societal taboos surrounding female health – but really, is anyone prepared to journey into adulthood? When we are called, it just happens, and it is our responsibility to ourselves to recognize the challenges as lessons and opportunities to grow. Sometimes these lessons are more difficult than others, and sometimes they can just ‘click’.
Being born without a vagina, I had to connect and create a relationship with my sexual self in an unconventional way. Upon diagnosis, I was told by doctors about my options for motherhood and my options for a “healthy” sex life. I was prescribed a medical grade dilator which I was to use in creating my own vagina. I was told to dilate 10-20 minutes everyday for at least 3 months to see some sort of difference – all in the aim to eventually have a “normal” sex life with a male partner. Because I came from a culture where talking or even thinking about sex before marriage was taboo – I felt even more alone throughout the dilation process. At that point, I was torn between what I had been taught to believe, and what I felt was right. I felt broken and less of a person because my anatomy was different and that it didn’t work the way I was taught it “should”. I was depressed, anxious, and suffered from deep suicidal tendencies – I was in one of the darkest periods in my life, a time when I felt the most internal dissonance and disconnect from who I seemed on the outside.
Everything throughout diagnosis and “treatment” for this condition was coming from a heteronormative lens – it was assumed that motherhood and vaginal sex with a male partner was the ideal life for every woman with MRKH. I carried this pain into University and tried masking it in my obsession to practice and be perfect in every area of my life. Instead of healing and listening to my body, I tried to justify my Femininity by entering a dysfunctional and unbalanced relationship. I surrendered my value, my consent, my voice, and my identity, in order to maintain a relationship with a cisgender white male – the ideal partner that I believed I needed and wanted. I struggled with body image – never feeling beautiful enough, constantly trying to do and “be” more. I struggled with my sexuality – never giving myself the space to question what it was I truly wanted in a relationship. I spent nearly everyday with a person that never made me feel completely valued, and I struggled to walk away from it because of the warped relationship I had with myself.
My journey into womanhood may sound marked with pain and difficulty, but magic and energy work teaches us that it is only through the shadows that we can bring fourth what needs healing. Without these intense learning opportunities, I wouldn’t have been able to reach the level of peace and love for my body that I have today. It was following the end of this toxic relationship that I started to fully heal and become grounded in my “womanhood.” I started exploring self-pleasure, putting more effort into nourishing my body, attracted relationships and people that were healthy for me, and began honouring my innate need to reconnect with my spiritual beliefs.
At the core I knew who I was – a wild, witchy, tribal woman waiting to be let out. Waiting for her chance to make noise in the world. A woman ready to be seen, witnessed, and heard.
We spoke about society’s definitions vs defining things for ourselves, could you share your thoughts and experiences?
Humans are social beings – we need to exist in a community and amongst others in order to fully understand our own identity. However society’s definitions are just a reflection of the collective consciousness at a given time. If we feel like something is defined in an unjust or outdated way, then it’s our responsibility to speak out and proactively work towards change. If we feel like women or other minorities are not defined or treated fairly, then we must have the courage to seek for our own truth and work with others to change the greater societal mindset.
It’s no news that our current world continues to define women in a particular light – hyper-sexualized, objectified, and as accessories to males – but I am happy to see that more inclusive and positives shifts are happening everyday. Especially in the media with the rise of #metoo movements and advocacy against sexual assault, the need for Female empowerment has never been so strong! But we must always remember that the world will only change as much as we are willing to change. Global shifts start from within ourselves, rippling out into the world through our actions, and thoughts.
How do you allow yourself to feel your way through experiences? (When feelings come up, how do you work through them?)
Channeling the energy – whether good or bad – has helped me prevent total burnout. I usually channel the overwhelm of experiences into writing and music, thus converting the energy into something healing for myself and for others witnessing what I create. This allows me to sink further into my feelings and to embrace the lessons that life is trying to teach me.
Reminding myself that I am allowed to feel sh*tty! I am allowed to curse and scream at life when I don’t understand it! I think one of the keys here is to remind ourselves that we’re constantly growing; that life’s not all sunshine and daisies and that it’s ok! We’re allowed to feel whatever the heck we’re feeling, and you most certainly do not need to feel “good vibes only” all the f*cking time.
Lastly it may sound a bit cliché, but above all else, have unconditional love. Can I show myself love through patience, understanding, and a willingness to grow past life’s sh*t? Can I be empathetic towards myself, even more than I am for other people? Whatever I or those reading this are going through, we need to remember that unconditional love means honouring where you are in your journey completely, without exceptions.
You are your number one player and asset. Start treating yourself like it!
What does your relationship with your body and your womb space look like today?
Is there such thing as too much self-love? (Nah!) Joking aside, my relationship with my body and womb space strengthens more each day.
Today my relationship with my body includes nourishing myself on a physical and soul level, staying in tune to what I truly need, and striving for balance in my relationships with others. I recognize that my relationship with my body and my womb space will continue to transform as I grow older, and that although I don’t have a functional womb, this doesn’t change my connection to Feminine energies. It does not change the symbolism of my womb space and my ability to birth great things into the world. Women are made to bring life in this world beyond childbearing and motherhood. We are the leaders and matriarchs of society – the creators and nurturers – we are the wise women and Goddesses walking the Earth.
My loving relationship with myself means allowing only those who are in alignment with me and my needs, into my life. It means promising myself to not tolerate toxic relationships, or to jeopardize my health for the pleasures of others. Self-love means giving myself the permission to say “no” when something isn’t right for me. The more I connect to my intuition and listen to my inner guide, the more I am honouring myself.
Honouring and loving my body also means giving myself the permission to slow down, to take weekly baths, indulge in pleasure… and to watch marathons of Ru Paul’s drag race because well… “If you can’t love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
What tools have been valuable for you along your healing journey?
Studying Integrative Nutrition, Energy work, and Sound healing has been the triple threat of my healing journey. Integrative nutrition taught me that my health and wellbeing relies on both physical and non-physical nourishment; that making adjustments to my social life, relationships, and home environment were all influential to my health. I learned that no two bodies are the same so what may work for another person – whether it be food or relationship choices – may not work for me, and that’s ok! Energy work, becoming a Reiki Master, and sound healing, reconnected me to my own inner magic. Sound healing in particular, provided a necessary bridge between two of my passions (my music and spirituality) and allowed a sense of wholeness and alignment to take place in my life. Studying various holistic and esoteric practices has allowed me to feel loved, supported, and guided by a Higher Source even if I don’t have all of the answers for myself.
Although it isn’t a tool per se, I should never forget to acknowledge the love of others in my life. I believe wholeheartedly that healing starts within ourselves through self-love and realization, but opening our heart to others is the most powerful thing we can do. Accepting openness as a strength above vulnerability, can heal us on a level that we can’t witness in isolation. Again, humans are social creatures – we ultimately thrive together.
What would you say to anyone reading this who resonates with your story?
We are worth more than the sum of our parts.
We are worth more than our parts and their functions.
Our worth is much greater than we will ever know.
Don’t hold on to the pains of your past; what you did and how you acted then, was just a byproduct of what you knew at the time. You are whole now. You have everything you need at your disposal now. Never think that the cards you were dealt at birth automatically destined you for a sh*tty life – you are made for something even greater than you and I can understand.
The most important relationship you will have in this lifetime, is the one you have with yourself. It’s through this relationship that we can fully understand others, show up authentically in the world, and make meaningful change. You are your Highest self when you are in pursuit of the things you love, when you follow your joy, and when you allow magic to take place in all areas of your life. The world needs you in all of your growing and blossoming glory – not tomorrow, now.
Do you have any messages for anyone reading this post?
You are beautiful, you are loved, and you are magical as f*ck.
Also, always say yes to extra guac. Life is short and your joy matters.
Tasha, eternal gratitude for your vulnerability, your magic and your grace . You are a light in this Universe! Thank you for sharing your story and educating us on MRKH, magic and life!
Connect with Tasha Jade
Tasha Jade has recently launched her gorgeous and magical website https://www.dailymagic.ca/. It’s filled with her amazing services and all things f$%#ing magical! You may also connect with her via Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
On March 25th, 2018, join myself and Deborah Brodey for our WOMB SOUNDING workshop.
This workshop explores realigning ourselves with the energy and vitality of the Spring and takes us on a journey deep within with womb focused sound healing! For tickets and more info, click here!
Womb Wellness Program
Looking for support in your womb healing journey? Click on over to the Womb Wellness Program. This is a program that requires you to dig deep, to face what is stored in the womb and work with it to heal, release and receive. The program combines integrative health coaching, deep womb work and Reiki to support your healing. Read more…
Want to share your Healing Journey?
If you are interested in sharing your Healing Journey along with Dominique Mack and other powerful Goddesses, please email info(at)clarekenty.ca with “The Healing Journey” in the subject line and include a little about yourself and your story, or fill out the form below and I will contact you. Please be aware that The Healing Journey series is primarily about womb healing and womb wellness.